I seriously recommend that you say nothing to her about your hooking up regularly with providers in the past.

Even if she does stay with you after you tell her, which she likely won't, she'll never trust you and she'll constantly suspect that you've been with someone. Just don't tell her.

Slow down Chef. No need to get too defensive.

In my experience, SO's are much more inclined to accept an indiscretion with a provider than with a competing civilian woman.

You'd be surprised how many SO's are cool with this stuff.

It's a tough call and depends really on what your new SO is like. Since you never cheated on her she shouldn't have a problem with you having been a hobbyist. That said, there seems to be a negative stigma surround guys who pay for it so you might want to keep it a secret. If it's easy enough for you not to tell her then don't. If you feel the need to talk about previous sexual exploits, just don't mention the fact that they were a provider and instead say that they were a one-night stand. That way, you'd be able to talk about the nitty gritty and just leaving out the part about paying for it.

I would understand paying for it more than lots of one-night-stands. But everybody is different.

Of course it's possible to just "leave it out" - but what about these conversations when it just comes up, just because you talk openly.. and she'll ask:"Did you ever ...?" What would you do? Lie?

It totally depends on the kind of relationship the two of you have.
If you rather have relationships where a lot of personal stuff stays hidden, you can. It's a matter of choice.

Personally, I want to know who I'm with, and I want the ones I'm with to know who I am. If I hold something back out of fear they'd leave me, I'll always be scared that there is a part of me that can't be loved.

So far my strategy works great: my best friends and lovers know EXACTLY who I am and love me. It's a great feeling. I highly recommend it.

If she asks "Did you ever...?" I'd tell her that I did sleep with providers, but I'd definitely leave out how often and perhaps even how recent your last experience was. She probably doesn't want to hear that you hired escorts a week before you started dating. Just my opinion...

I'm sorry to be so negative on this one, but if there's one thing I've learned it's that if she "seems cool with it", nine times outta ten she's NOT!

I think nine out of ten possible partners aren't worth the effort anyway. And the tenth will appreciate honesty.

But that's just me - I know that 9 out of 10 happily settle for mediocrity.

You can say that again Lucia.

Honestly, I'm just trying to help the guy avoid an unnecessary headache. I've had more than a few friends who spilled the beans and really wished they hadn't after the damage was done...

We are with you on this one Lucia 100%. Then again, we think our relationship is one-in-a-million, soul-mate, destiny, you-complete-me, kind-of-stuff. We feel lucky and fortunate to have a second chance to be together this lifetime... yadda, yadda. And even we have been tempted to settle for mediocrity, so we KNOW how fortunate we are.

Bottom line to the OP... Its all up to what kind of relationship you REALLY want, and if living in fear of something within you that can't be loved is for you.

Exactly. That's all I wanted to say. It's a matter of choice.

I appreciate what lucia and flirty are saying but I don't really agree. She might be the coolest girl in the world who draws the line at providers. A lot of women have a really negative opinion of prostitution and unless you plan on seeing providers with her, I would take the advice of sinsational.

Don't tell her anything.

If you want to live in HELL, than go ahead and tell her. If not shut up. You will never be able to go out on your own without getting the 5th degree. She will think you are with another women. Women are NUT JOB's, and full of shit when it comes to trust. I've been married since 86, and she has never trusted me from day one. So after about 10 years of being accused for this and that, I figued it was time to do a little this and that.

Would you stay with her if she said that she was in a few gang bangs?? Nothing like going to dinner and seeing one or 10 of the guys she screwed.

If you want to get rid of her, than you can tell her,as you walk out the door with a fist full of cash.

If you want to live in HELL, than go ahead and tell her. If not shut up. You will never be able to go out on your own without getting the 5th degree. She will think you are with another women. Women are NUT JOB's, and full of shit when it comes to trust. I've been married since 86, and she has never trusted me from day one. So after about 10 years of being accused for this and that, I figued it was time to do a little this and that.

Would you stay with her if she said that she was in a few gang bangs?? Nothing like going to dinner and seeing one or 10 of the guys she screwed.

If you want to get rid of her, than you can tell her,as you walk out the door with a fist full of cash.

LMFAO. I do agree with you but I personally wouldn't mind at all if my SO had been in ganbangs...it would mean that I might have a chance of doing some kinky stuff with her.

Keep your mouth shut. Women ask but they don’t really want to know. Be a man. Look her in the eye and lie.

Good point. Don't let them trick you into telling them either. They might even try and make you think that they think seeing providers is okay so that you'll spill the beans...don't spill em.

So what did you decide?

ps: If you didn't decide make a decision yet, don't tell her!

you guys are too funny.

on the one side it's: "Women are all the same, they pretend to be ok, then you're in hell and they'll never trust you..."

on the other side: "All men are liars and cheaters."

Living with this and never truly being able to trust, that's what would be hell for me. But that's just me... we all know I'm obsessive about honesty.
.. all a matter of choice.

Hey I have been called Honest to a fault and have gotten myself in a lot of hot water because of it. LIE,LIE, LIE and when your done LIE AGAIN.

NO...... too much competition for her to get her head around. What you do or did in your past is sometimes best kept to yourself. I have buddies who think I am crazy because all I want to see is a provider as to me most are face value and honest about the relationship. Unlike a woman in bar just looking for a goodtime or a friend with benefits......(sure)
So many woman think that providers are dirty and to me I think housewifes are dirty. LOL They have no idea about what is safe and what transmits. Like uncovered BJ's Saliva does not create a safe barrier for STD's But I know I have had wifes or girlfriends willing to chugg a load without asking me about tests or anything but then think wrapping it up was safe sex??
If you want to clear the air go ahead but be ready for the fall-out..... Bring it up turn on HBO and watch a prosty show and ask her what she thought while never eluding to condoning or being bios in anyway. You will know your answer then.

I agree with you that providers are usually safer and cleaner that the typical one-night stand. I used to have unprotected sex a lot when I was hitting up the club scene for pussy. Just seemed like no civie woman would ever mention the use of a condom...might have been because we were always blind drunk.

It's tough to say no to bareback when it's offered I have to admit. That said, there's no way I would have a one night stand with a woman and not use protection. That's just playing Russian roulette my friend.

so looks like most guys agree the pros are better enlightened or educated when it comes to being safer.... I don't even like to kiss anymore..... HAHAHAHA Sick world, glad to be here

Welcome to our sick little corner of the web.