The Death of Filthy Comedy

The age of the teen sex comedy was a wonderful thing. Porky’s, Fast Times at Ridegmont High, Revenge of the Nerds, American Pie, they all showed us the high school we wished we’d went to. Parties and boobs and a way to stick it to the man. The man, in this case, being the principal or some asshole coach or whoever.

It’s sad to hear then that last Thursday, a 19 year old man was arrested after crashing a high school grad ceremony dressed as a dick. A full on, 6 foot tall penis. Is it the best prank anyone ever pulled at the end of the year? No. Does it even come close to a mass of co-eds streaking across campus and then shotgunning beers till everyone is sloppy in more ways than one? Hell no. But hey, it was something. How many of us attended a boring, run of the mill graduation in which no one was dressed as any kind of body part at all? How many of us wished we could have got the fat bastard who runs the local brothel to chase us through town, or stuck our dicks through the wall in the girl’s shower? How many of us wanted to see Phoebe Cates’ tits?

This kid is a hero, the last of a dying breed that may never have really existed in real life. These days we’re lucky if we get two streakers running a graduation per state. And usually it’s two dudes, somewhat ruining the whole thing for everyone present. Worse, for those who do engage in such acts, they can look forward to being charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct like our penis wearing friend.

In any good 80’s sex comedy, someone would bang a TA or the principal’s wife, a panty bomb would go off and everyone would be shitfaced. A pony might even show up somewhere. Was it irresponsible? Sure, but that’s the point. High school graduation was the transition between being a goofball kid and a responsible adult. You’ll have time for parties in college, but it’s a whole new ballgame and you have a lot more stress to deal with in terms of future plans, tuition payments, leaving home and all kinds of other shit. But for that one moment when you graduate, you’re free. Free to run naked, or dressed like a cock, sloppy-ass drunk and not giving a shit. Or at least you should be.

As adults, we may have lost that, but whenever we get a chance, we should applaud those who take the risk. The 6 foot cocks of this world need our support, lest we all become boring drones who exist not in teen sex comedies, but shitty teen dramas like Dawson’s Creek or the OC. Do any of us really want that?