The End of the Crass Craiglist (No more free erotic services classified ads!)

We all knew the beautiful dream would have to end eventually, and it looks like now is that time. Craigslist, famous for nothing but debauchery, useless shit and random crap you never knew you wanted, just axed the most interesting item from that list: debauchery.

Ads for erotic services on Craigslist are no longer going to be free. Thus, any ads placed for erotic services like: massages, escorts or strippers now require credit cards and personal information which in turn means there’s pretty much no hope you’re every going to be seeing the same volume of ads on Craigslist for escorts, strippers or massages, since they are loath to give out their personal information.

Naturally this is a terrible turn of events, as where else on the internet are you ever going to find ads for escorts, strippers and massage parlors? Off the top of my head, I can’t think of a single website. We may all be doomed.

Or maybe not. The future need not be all storm clouds and lonely, boobie free nights. Just because Craigslist has turned its back on coitus with strangers doesn’t mean the whole of the internet has. Nor does it mean the creative escort can’t find more mainstream ways to sell her wares.

Amazon.com: The great thing about Amazon is that it has a seller’s section. Now sure, you’re supposed to just be selling books or DVDs or whatever the hell it is Amazon sells, but no one’s saying you can’t place an ad for a gently used copy of War and Peace and mention in passing in the ad that the book comes with a side of reverse cowgirl and a blowjob for the very reasonable price of $300.

eBay: Let’s face it, eBay was meant to sell ass. The guy who created it can pretend all he wants it had something to do with finding beanie Babies for his wife, as is the popular story, but who the fuck believes that? That’s the stupidest explanation for a business you’re likely to ever hear. Despite eBay’s 1,000 page rule book for what is and isn’t allowed, and the veritable thousands of uptight users who seem to just lie in wait to find an ad they can complain about, if you’re listing an hour’s worth of quality sausage stuffing lessons in the Food & Wine section that happens to be ever so slightly laced with innuendo, who are the eBay people to shut you down?

Poetry.com: The website designed for every mouth breather who thought they should be the next John Donne or Jack Black, Poetry.com lets you blubber out anything you like, call it poetry and have it published online. Creative escorts are likely to have little if any trouble offering their services in rhyming couples or haiku form. For instance –

It’s not just a classy haiku, it would look great on a business card or coffee mug.

The Internet Movie Database: This is probably an excellent and untapped land for escorts to prowl, as the majority of posters on the imdb seem to be shut-ins desperately in need of a woman’s touch. Thus, simply trolling the boards for an epically nerdy show like Heroes or Battlestar Galactica will provide an intense client base. From there, it’s simply a matter of stating you don’t think Cylons are all that bad and you’ll suck off anyone who disagrees and voila, you’re in the money.

Wikipedia: This one's begging to be exploited. All you need to do is edit the entry on the rusty trombone to include your e-mail address.

Doubtless there are countless other sites on the internet just waiting to be exploited and fill in the gap Craigslist is leaving in the smut market. There loss is the rest of the internet's gain.

OK, realistically those may not be your best bets, so we have just created our own...

FREE Erotic services classified ads.

Praise the lord.